Recently I've had an epiphany.
When I was little, I was put into a mold and told I was shy. I was compared a lot to my brothers, sisters and especially twin sister; as if what defined me, was my siblings or that I was quiet.
But being shy had its advantages. I was able to sit back and watch a lot of interactions between people. Being shy helped me to be able to realize that I could be strong while being quiet.
Still, I've never really had many friends. Not very many people want to be friends with someone who doesn't talk much or as we've talked about on here before, talks too quietly and is easily forgetable.
It's interesting that the people I have been able to be friends with have been people with fairly strong personalities. These people tend to both push me out of my comfort zone, and force me to push back when they become overbearing. But there is still that friend who comes along once in a blue moon with the same quietness and fragilness as me.
To contradict my feelings even more, some people lead me to feel great anxiety to be around because of the way they "bully" by being bossy or pushy.
Someone told me a few months ago that I should see a counselor. It shook me to my core. Her diagnosis made me feel broken and dismissed. Ever since then, I've been wondering what's wrong with being quiet? Is there really a problem with not liking to talk in front of large groups of people? Is there a problem with me because sometimes I don't like answering the door or the phone? Can't personalities be like race or gender or IQ or whatever it is that makes us all different? Do I make people feel uncomfortable and so I should get my personality fixed?
I've also been feeling a bit sad out here. I have a friend, but she's a busy lady with lots of other friends. This friend situation has me thinking a lot about my personality. It's made me think a lot about my so called diagnosis.
I decided to try to serve more. I have tried a few different things, and my latest endeavor has been a total flop. I'm trying to stay positive about this situation, but I just can't help but feel disliked.
I wonder a lot about how to fix my problem and gain friends. I feel sad when I think that I am misjudged. I feel sad knowing that I have been judged even by family members who cannot fathom that my quietness could be just that: quiet. How do I fix this problem? Can you relate?
Me. 100%. Although, I don't see anything wrong with being shy. I am not worried about it. I feel very strong in who I am, and have no desire to change that. Being "shy" has shaped me. I feel like I see things that many people don't see. I am more sensitive to others. It feels, honestly, like a sixth sense. When I am loud, trying to be something I am not, it turns off. My quiet side opens a world to me that I feel many miss out on. Don't let people make you feel like something is wrong with being quiet. There is nothing wrong.
ReplyDeleteI am curious about this diagnosis though...I have never been really fond of counselors, but I believe some people can really benefit (I wasn't meaning you).
People think I am weird. I don't enjoy large crowds or big parties (Noelle's baptism is giving me anxiety, LOL!). I don't like having conversations with everyone on the street. I just need a couple of friends that are like me, kindred spirits, that truly understand me. I find those are the best friends I ever have. Andrew is like that, which is why he is my best friend.
I say, there is nothing to fix. Embrace it. There is so much good that comes from people who are shy. They have much to offer the world. Find what you have to offer, and go with that. Even if no one else sees it. I find it hard to make friends because people like me aren't seen as much, like me. But we eventually find each other. And when we do, we always stay friends. It is amazing.
You're not broken. You're just feeling fragile because you have a lot of challenges right now. LOTS of challenges. That is my diagnosis anyway.
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime, ways to serve. Around here we had a chance for some secret Santa shenanigans in December. We are currently flirting with the possibility of continuing them even though Christmas is passed. Why not do the 12 days of Christmas in July? Or the 12 days of Valentines? Do something stupid, crazy, and even anonymous. The fun part is the anonymous. Its a great way to teach your kids about service, relive some of our youth, and keeps you guessing. Did they figure it out? Do they think it was that other family? Did they see us? Aggghhh! Some days the questions kill me, but that's fun too! We've only done it that one time, but how easy would it be to make 2 pots of beans, chicken pot pies, or even an extra batch of cookies that you could ring and run with. I always keep some cheap containers from the dollar store in the cupboard, they would be ideal to deliver these items. Ring and run! Its a lot of fun! Hey that rhymes! It may have to become my new motto!
I can relate too. I have a hard time making friends because of shyness. But just remember you are amazing! And remember you have a friend in Colorado 😀
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of bossy/pushy people, it absolutely drives me nuts when they get mad at being called "bossy." Because somehow that is cruel, and what you should really say is "What a good leader you are!"
ReplyDeleteNo. Nope. Huh-uh. They're just bossy. Back off, bossy people.
Sorry. Off topic.
From one shy person to another, I get it. But there's nothing wrong with you, although sometimes it feels that way. You could try what one family member recently tried (or so I heard) in order to be accepted in their ward. They fasted and prayed and got involved in everything and introduced themselves to everyone. Maybe I should try that with the local midsingles program, now that I think about it...
I totally feel the same way. I keep reaching out to people and everyone ignores me. It's frustrating. C
ReplyDeleteI totally feel the same way. I keep reaching out to people and everyone ignores me. It's frustrating. C
ReplyDelete