Tomorrow marks the first day of school for Samantha. I was laying in bed trying to decide on what time to wake up and whether or not I am ready for school to start again, and realized that I only bought new shoes this year. No new clothes (except for phoebe since she needed uniforms) but besides that, everyone only got shoes. I'm kind of taking a chance on whether or not their clothes fit still, but my kids have worn their clothes all summer and looked fine. Why should I buy them clothes when they have perfectly good clothes? I figure if there is something they need or grow out of, then I will take care of the need at that time. Why waste money?
Still... I can't help but feel a little nervous about this decision. I'm sure it will be fine... right? Plus, I do feel just a smidge guilty about them not having a new outfit for the first day of school. Does it matter that much?
Logan and I made this airplane last week out of wood scraps. We looked at a photo and just kind of made it up from there. Logan is becoming quite the builder. We also made a baby hammock. I don't have a photo of that one, but both are newborn photo props and both are totally adorable! Logan has some mad building skills!
We also toured some houses here in Gooding and decided that we love this El cheapo wall treatment.
Life has been flying by, and I've found a renewed excitement and love for photography. I'm telling you, it's all about the camera. It can be super frustrating to have a beautiful shot that has horrible resolution (it's grainy or pixelated). You know how when you really want to learn how to do something and you just can't figure it out and it just never seems to go how it should no matter how many times you try? That's how I've felt about my photography for the last 8 years. I've stunk. But lately it's like everything has finally come together and I have reached the level I've been trying all these years for. Don't misunderstand, I'm not saying I think I'm a rockstar, I'm just saying I'm comfortable with where I'm at.
Speaking of photography, you know what I think is funny? I have found that fellow camera people (photographers) don't like other camera people. As if we can't all be friends and help each other, because you know, we are each others competition. Like, I can't like a fellow camera person's work, because that would mean I think they are better than me! This is not how I feel, but I think this is just plain silly and I see it happen all the time. I would gladly go help out on another photographers shoot for free any time. I wish I had someone I could call to come help me too. I'm not going to judge another's work, just like I don't want mine critiqued. We all see the world differently and there is no right or wrong to that. My goal in life is to have a group of amazing camera people friends. We will all cheer each other on and help out in a pinch and hey, we could even share gear. It would be awesome!
I'll be working on that. ASAP
Living away from family can be hard. It's stressful. Living in a small town can be hard too, in a different way. Like feeling accepted by people that have known and accepted each other since birth or elementary school or whatever... a long time. But that's not what this post is about.
This post is about being forgotten by family when you live away. This post is about feeling disliked and misunderstood by people who should know who you are, but are slowly forgetting.
It's hard. I wish quite often that we could live closer to family members, but that is not our plan. I feel often that my intentions are misconstrued as nosy, bossy, or just plain judgemental. It's really just the space between us that makes it so easy to misunderstand. It is hurtful to feel like a second choice; like there is not enough time to hear or care about what is going on with me and my family because there is too much time spent caring about the ones who are present. It hurts. Really it is more glaring in the moments I could really use someone to care.
We went shopping for school supplies today. We got most of the way through before I got really sick and layed down right in the middle of the aisle in Walmart. I tried to feel better, and we sat for about 20 minutes, but in the end I mustered up some strength and leaning on the cart we checked out. That's a whole trip wasted to Twin Falls. We didn't get to do our grocery shopping or anything else we needed to do. But on a bright note, we did get most of our school supplies. I've been in bed since we got back. I'll get another chance to go back I'm sure. Plus we have no groceries. Carter has no milk, bread, or anything he can eat. I guess he will just have to eat gluten until I can make it to the store.
Sorry about my random story. I guess it's just one of those things I wish I could call my friend or mom and have her bring over a gallon of milk. Or even call someone for sympathy and have them listen and not have them have to get off the phone because a more important family member just walked in the door.
I'm not sleeping. What the heck? I think I may have excessive fluid or something... things just feel super weird with this baby. Maybe I'm just an old lady. Still running. Lifting too. At least my calves are in shape. It's the only part of me that looks semi normal. None of my clothes from last pregnancy are fitting me right. Or maybe my fickle tastes have changed? Suddenly I feel like I have no clothes.
Again I say WHAT THE HECK!
Also, I would like to add one thing. I have a problem. I just realized tonight this problem. I don't like to be told no. It doesn't go for all no's, but just the ones I have put a lot of thought and time and research into only to be told no. It makes me want to go prove the no person wrong. I can't accept these kinds of no's. I don't believe the no. Wow. Now that's a first world problem.
