I noticed it has been a while, and I don't have time right now. So until I do, enjoy this post from the end of November that I forgot to publish.
When I have so much to do that it starts to get tangled in a knot in my head, I make a list. This morning's list was long:
Paint stucco: today!
Paint table and chairs for craft show
Find a desk or build a desk for craft show
Finish set for craft show
Photos for craft show
Build a child size bench: stain rustic
Batting and stars
Order card samples
Print and bind card catalog
Laundry
Change sheets
Christmas gifts
Finish photo shoots #1-4
Clean the house
Normally the list is like this: finish photo shoot and clean the house.
This time of the year is not my favorite. We over book ourselves and turn into a frenzied mess. If you noticed above, I'm doing a craft show this year. The circumstances of how it came about make me want to kick and scream, but it's truly not relevant for you to know the details. As I have said before, I wish people would think about how their actions or words affect others.
I've been thinking a lot about the concept of being generous in thought and mind with everyone who enters my life. It's important to me that everyone is given as much as I can give. A lot of the time this backfires. This is the part I've been thinking on. If my intentions are good, and I've sacrificed more than I should have, then why does it belly flop?
I think I have expectations to be appreciated, given that I have sacrificed so much to help people out. I know I'm talking around the issue here, but I just can't be specific... just try to follow....
Anyway, I really do feel sad after I serve someone. I don't think it's normal, and I don't know how to change my thinking. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I end up making the recipient feel angry or upset with me because I didn't meet their expectations fully or quickly. But the truth is that the recipient had completely unrealistic expectations of me, given that I was the one choosing to serve them, even though they felt that they "deserved" my service.
Did you follow all of that? Meh. It was probably not followable. Sorry.
So yeah. My problem. It seems stupid, but I cry a lot about it.
And hey you! Yeah, you! You probably think I'm talking about you, right? Well you are probably wrong. Or maybe you are right. This does happen over and over and over. Lol
Anyway, as I said before, it's something I feel very emotional about and yes cry about. I love helping and serving. Love it. But not when it's expected and complained about.
The end.
I don't think you should wonder if you are normal or not, no one is. Who's idea of normal do we use? Do you mean in general no one else is like that? That just doesn't work because if most people were a certain way then we wouldn't have songwriters or entrepreneurs or people like you, or... just be who you are and don't measure apologies. You are loved. <3
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