Healing

Hello everyone. I took a break. I know it's pretty obvious at this point. Lol.

Here's the deal, I felt like I was drowning in expectations. Not just the obvious expectations I put on myself, but in the expectations of other people. I'm still struggling with that, and maybe I always will, but after moving into our house finally, I just needed a break, and felt like disappearing was the only way to take it.

Anyway, I'm still taking a break from things, but I feel like it's time to pick the ol' blog back up.

So what have we been doing these past few months? We've been building more things in the house, and painting, and I've had some time to take a few breaths and put myself back on the healthy track.

A lot of things have happened. We got a new old car, Sami had a birthday, we got a free old camping trailer, we've settled into a new rhythm at the new house. Carter can read now and Will is almost bigger than him. All the kids are thriving and so much happier.

As the dust has settled, I've found that I don't know how to settle now. I'm trying really hard to relax and enjoy this time, but I still find myself looking for projects every day.

I've recently taught myself how to screen print. Lol. Really. I know how to burn screens and all that jazz. Pretty dang exciting.

Still, there are people who don't understand. I don't know how to explain it without actually going into details that would give away who they are, in case they read this. I'm talking about people here in Gooding. Sometimes small town living isn't ideal, even though most days I absolutely love it. So yeah, healing and wanting space. That's what I'm all about right now.

Hitting Rock Bottom

You'd think that moving into the house would have solved any and all of our problems, but moving into the house made our lives much more complicated.

After moving in, we had the huge task of packing and moving all while living our regular lives. We couldn't find anything once it was put at the new house, because there was nowhere to unpack it and put it away. Not having a master closet has made it difficult to find clothes. Not having a second bathroom made it difficult to sleep at night, because kids would be tramping through our bedroom at two in the morning. Trying to find tools to continue building has been difficult, because the tools are no longer easily accessible and are not organized among the boxes and car tools that have been stacked out in the little house. Everything has become so much harder.

Since moving in, Trevor dug up the pipe outside, and found the clog. We replaced twenty-seven feet of sewer pipe, and let me tell you... it was a smelly job.

We mudded, taped, textured and carpeted the basement, and finished the stairwell mostly.

We have blinds.

I built a coffee table out of old wood, Trevor moved a light in the living room, we painted window trim, and did a bunch of little jobs here and there.

We still don't have insulation in the attic, which makes for a hot sleep for the girls in the basement. The upstairs is chilly, and the basement is a sauna. Also, no closet, no doors downstairs, and really a lot of projects to finish still.

How all of this sounds to you, I don't care. You can think I'm complaining, or not (I'm not). I think it's going to take a long time for us to come back together and heal as a family. We became so broken during the last few years. It was hard sacrificing so much for this house, even relationships. We've got a long road ahead of us and have been taking some really good steps towards healing. I recently took a parenting class that helped me a lot, even with my relationship with Trevor. lol. I realize I'm not his parent, but the class was very insightful with helping me look at relationships differently.

Now that the bulk of the building and the main push to finish things is over, we can begin to take the steps we need to move on.

Maybe this whole post sounds dramatic to you. I don't care. I will tell you this though: If you are someone who thinks I'm over-dramatizing this, and you wonder what I do or have done with my days, just know that you have judged me wrongly, have no idea what you are talking about, and can go take a flying leap off a tall building. lol. But seriously. GO. I don't need or want judgement in my life.

Halloween 2018

Living the Dream

Yes. Yes. We are living in the house.

We are living in the house!!!!

We are almost all moved out.

One more week of moving and cleaning.

Stay tuned for photos of the chaos and mess.

Technical Difficulities

Hi all,

I'm sorry I've been having some blog problems lately. I know it's been going on for a while, but I just didn't have the time to fix it or figure out what was wrong. Today I finally felt like tackling it, and I think I have it worked out now.

Here's my quick update on life:

I put Logan back in school. I published a post about it, but apparently it never published and now it's erased. *sad face

I'm packing us up and we are getting moved over into the town house.

The transmission in the van broke on my way to take Logan to see the ear specialist. It was a very sad day. I'm driving the jeep around now, and we are fine. So many silver linings to find in life, even when it doesn't go the way you think it should.

My dad and mom came and helped us finish the girls' bedroom in the basement and lay carpet in both the kids' bedrooms. We are almost all ready to move in now. Which sounds funny I know, since we are already moving in. But I never thought I'd be building and moving in all at the same time, and yet here I am.

I'm finding it hard to find motivation anywhere. This house-building marathon has had every emotion attached to it, but I'm to the "I'm done" part. I'm serious. I have no problem getting over there and continuing projects and building and mudding and taping, texturing, etc , but when I get home at night, the last thing I want to do is pack. I just want to lay in bed and have a foot rub and eat a piece of bread (because I have no motivation to make dinner).

Anyway, did I mention that the whole basement is dry-walled? Yep. It's all done. It's not mudded or taped, except for the girls' room, but that can happen after we move in.

Also, Brad finally came and almost finished on Saturday! It's a miracle! I hope he finishes before we move in all the way.

There are little miracles all over in my life, and even though we've had to really push ourselves and sacrifice a lot, I know we've been watched over and blessed so much through this whole thing. There have been so many people who have served us and given us a boost through this as well. I'm grateful that people can be so very good and kind, and that families are here to love, support and help. We couldn't have gotten through this without our families.