Okay Okay, I'm still here

Sorry about that little breather I took. We're still alive here in our little corner of the world. We survived Christmas, but it was just barely I tell ya. I cut it close this year. I did these Santa shoots with a few different families (mom dresses up like Santa, but you never see Santa's face bla bla) I'm sure you wouldn't like to hear the details. By the time I finished those up I still had THREE whole days until Christmas! That's a ton! LOL! Sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm

If you were to have come to my house during that time you would have found the following: Me with bloodshot eyes (that's from staying up practically all night for the last three months), three weeks worth of dirty laundry sorted and all over the kitchen floor, the washer and dryer running day and night to catch up with the dirty laundry, fabric strewn all over the living room (I'm sewing for Christmas duh!), string everywhere (from sewing duh!), dirty dishes all over the kitchen with the dishwasher running its third load and me on my computer trying to order Christmas gifts from Amazon (free Amazon Prime trial baby!).

The good news is I PULLED IT OFF! YE-HAW! It was a very memorable Christmas! I even sewed the most awful/horrible nightgown for Sami and the best part is she LOVED it! No pictures will ever be shown of it though because it was THAT ugly.

I sewed 14 pillow cases for my primary class (scripture rocks and pillow cases. You know you want one.) I helped my kids sew a pair of jammies for Trevor that said Worlds Greatest Dad or something like that on the fabric. They were super excited for that, even though Sami and Phoebe were so excited that they spilled the beans to him before we had even sewed them, and last but not least I sewed the cutest quilt ever. It was so stinking cute. It went to my sister Laura who came and had Christmas here with us! I love hand-made gifts. Nothing says "I love you" better than something you've put your blood sweat and tears into.

a christmas update

It has been a while hasn't it. I'm typing this from my phone. Just so you know. I haven't posted anything because blogger won't let me post pictures anymore. As in I'm out of room. I feel really frustrated about it which is why it's been so long. But if you have any ideas about why it's not letting me upload photos and how to fix it, please share.

I finished up the last of my photo shoots on thursday and promptly got out the sewing. I've got projects to finish by Christmas! I have been watching all the news about the Sandy Hook shooting and it gives me extreme anxiety. I wish there was an alternative I felt better about than sending my kids off to school.

I've been considering making my blog private. I would be able to write more personal things on here. I would probably just invite family too. I don't know. I hate private blogs.

Also we are not pregnant yet. It is extremely frustrating. This month marks the one year anniversary of the last time I found out I was pregnant.

Hey there, Hi there, Ho there!

If you're still here after my last few postings, then congratulations. I'd send you a pie, but well you know. 

Glad to know you all didn't judge me for those annoyingly whiny thoughts. It really is hard living in this ward. 

So on to more exciting things. I've been editing pictures like a mad woman, but I do have to take breaks. So when I take breaks I've been working on a few things around the house. New curtains everywhere. And hey, I had some bamboo sticks I'd been using in a teepee for photo shoots. I took that thing apart and used the sticks as curtain rods. They are perfect! Multi-purpose curtains! 

A while back I made pillows with old sweaters. Remember that post? Well here's my follow-up review. I don't like how they held up. The sweaters stretch and pill over time. Not cute. So I've been taking them apart and re-covering the pillows. I'll show you pics when I'm done. 

Remember that ottoman I tufted a few posts back? Well that wasn't mine. And it was too big for my house. I've been waiting for time to tuft my real coffee table, and I finally got some. It's a cute little number I found for $5 garage selling this summer. It is CA-UUUUTE!  Again, I'll post pictures when it is all done. 

The last time I was in the Re-Store I found some really cheap windows without any glass in them. I snatched those babies up and brought them home where I immediately put a bright coat of aqua paint on them. Yes it was bright, so I sanded back to show the white paint underneath in places. Then I printed some of my cute photos from our shoot this summer and put a coat of gel medium over the prints with a paint roller. I mounted them in the windows and holy hannah! They look like canvases! 

Things I've Learned

1. Money changes people. It's easy to forget what being poor feels like.

2. I'm sensitive. Annoyingly sensitive.

3. I have Bishop phobia. I haven't completely figured this one out, but I freeze and act like an idiot any time our Bishop comes around or tries to talk to me. Possibly because I don't feel our bishop has the best opinion of our family. Lots of reasons have lead to this conclusion. #1 We have never been asked to speak in church. I'm not complaining, because I would freeze like a deer in headlights, and it's been nice to have a break after moving so much and speaking so much before we moved here, but you know, it would be nice to be asked. Trevor would speak. I'm not saying I wouldn't, but I would try to get out of it by saying I'd sing instead. #2 Trevor's calling when we first moved here was Young Mens Secretary. The YM president was a poor communicator and yelled at Trevor a whole bunch even though Trevor didn't know what he was supposed to do. The old secretary was supposed to give Trevor the rundown of how everything worked and Trevor called and left a bunch of messages but never got a call back. It was a big mess and the president really hated Trevor because as he told Trevor "he wasn't doing his job". He stopped calling and asking trevor to do anything. Trevor kept volunteering to go on camp outs and things, and the pres would never call or ask him to go. He didn't like Trevor. I think it really hurt Trevor's feelings, but he would never say so. Of course there was a ton more to that story, but I don't have time for the details. At this time Trevor was also very stressed with the new job after having been jobless for so long. He over-stressed about it, trying to have perfect performance at work and thinking he could be fired. Now we know he would never be fired because his boss is so lenient. Long story longer, the Bishop came to our house to talk to Trevor about all this. At least I think that's why he came. Trevor didn't say much, but the Bishop didn't ask questions. It was a weird visit. I told Trevor he needed to just come right out and say what had happened and tell the Bishop all about how this guy had it in for him. Trevor is not one to say negative things about people, so he just didn't say anything at all and by being quiet he made himself look like the bad guy. I'm sure Bishop had heard all about what a lazy good for nothing Trevor was from the YM pres. He released Trevor from his calling that night, and then he didn't get another one for a really long time. Hurtful. I get really tired of people reading Trevor wrong. He's not going to talk bad about anyone. Well, let's just say it takes a lot to get him to. Enough about that. I have Bishop phobia.

4. People are very judgmental.

5. I hate being labeled. I'm sick of it. Yes I know what everyone thinks of me when they first meet me. But don't corral me into the shy/weird category until you at least have a good one hour conversation with me. Yes, that's how long it takes to get me warmed up. So what?

6. Being a loyal friend is a lost art. I don't think anyone knows how to be one anymore. It seems that society has become a popularity contest. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there. And Sally may not want to hang out with you if you don't have the latest fashions on from Chic-boutique. Also telling friends that you buy all your kids clothes from garage sales and DI may not be a good idea.

7. I'm ready to move.

8. I'm having an off month. I really wish I had a friend to put their arm around my shoulder and ask how I'm doing. You know, really care. Maybe I could have a good cry. And they wouldn't judge me for anything that came out of my mouth.

*VENT*VENT*VENT*VENT*VENT*VENT

Since when did attending church become just like attending High School?

Feeling bad about myself tonight. I wish I could be one of the cool kids.

I've been out of ideas of what to write about lately. Plus I've just been plain busy. And grouchy. Don't hold it against me if I bite your head off. Things will calm down around here in the next few weeks. 

On the day this pic was taken, Logan took a header into the asphalt at school. I was trying to make the pic look more polished and so I took the giant goose egg off his head. The kids at school like to chase each other. Girls chase boys and boys chase girls. It's rather annoying to hear about because along with every chasing story is a kid that got hurt chasing because they tripped. No more chasing!

 Getting cold around these parts. We broke out the winter gear. And then it warmed up. I've heard it's going to be a mild winter. I sure hope not. I want snow and LOTS of it! Sami has the most expressive eyes, don't you think?

 Phoebe told me she would be my baby for the rest of my life. She promised she would stay 2 years old forever. LOL! Then she pretended to cry like a baby and I remembered why I'd rather have her be a 3 year old. But if you're wondering, since everyone seems to be, no baby on the way for us.

I want to float away

I never had the guts to show my soul to anyone until Trevor came along. He saved my life. He made me believe I was worth something. He gave me the guts to try photography. He pushed me to take pictures of strangers; to put my work out there on the internet for everyone to see and critique. And what you don't understand is that every photograph I take is a glimpse into my soul. A little piece of my heart is in each one of them. I have such a hard time hearing negative comments about my pictures, because I take it so personally. I'm really trying to get over that. Baby steps!

I took Samantha out with me this week to try a set-up out. Yes she may be too big for it, but I love it just the same.  

Crazy Life, Crazy Wife

What a crazy life I lead. It's been insane. And thinking about it right now makes me feel like hyperventilating. I have too much to do on a daily basis. 

The following pictures are pretty much why I haven't posted on this thing lately. I've been consumed with paint. 

obviously this is primer.

and halfway into the first coat

This is my very precise method for mixing paint

Add a little of this and a little of that

and my trusty sunglasses of three years finally bit the dust after I finished painting this thing. Sad.

Trevor likes those dents and told me to leave them there. 

We had our family pictures taken last week. My sister and I traded.

Why is it so hard to find an outfit to wear for pictures? I stressed and stressed over it this year.  Mostly this was because in my sister's words, I wanted these pictures to be "EPIC".  Anyway, after having Samantha take picture after picture of me in outfit after outfit, and still not feeling like any of them were really "it", I practically packed my whole closet in my suitcase and we left for Boise for the weekend where we would be doing the trade.

In the end, I ended up wearing nothing I had planned on and I totally LOVED my outfit. We were running late and I had to totally wing it and just throw something on. The lesson to be learned: Don't plan your outfit for pictures and you will look beautiful! Actually I really liked how casual it all turned out. And they truly are "epic". You'll have to wait and see!

Happy Birthday Phoebe!

My baby isn't a baby anymore! Phoebe wanted a pinata instead of balloons for her birthday. We took her shopping and she picked out the one she wanted. Everyone got to take a whack at it, but it was Trevor that finally broke it open. We had the most delicious chocolate cake I have ever had in my life. No I didn't make it. We finished off the day opening presents outside. We love you Phoebe!

A barbie from Sami

A new car from m&d

a movie from Logan

a dolly from Grandma

"I'm the birthday girl!"

More and More Musings

Since we were late to sacrament meeting today, we sat in the back. I really wanted to get up and bear my testimony, but just as I was getting ready to stand up, the bishop stood up and closed the meeting. It really takes a lot for me to gather courage and I really wanted to get up there today.

Maybe I'll do it on here. That may be weird, but I really really want to today.

I am so thankful that families can be together forever. My kids and I sang "I love to see the temple" as a special musical number last week. They all sang their hearts out and there weren't many dry eyes in the congregation. I am so thankful that Trevor and I are sealed for time and eternity.

I'm grateful that Heavenly Father answers prayers. I haven't talked about this for a while now, but losing our baby was such a hard thing to go through. I know I talked about how I was struggling with wanting an answer about when the spirit enters the body and wanting to know about whether or not we would be able to have our baby come down to earth still.

I've been praying that some day I would have the answer to my question. I received my answer, and although it wasn't the one I had hoped for, the knowledge that I will see my son again brings comfort to my soul. Families CAN be together forever. This knowledge makes me want to strive to be the best that I can be. I want to try harder.

I'm so thankful for my family and for the unconditional love they show me. I'm grateful for the opportunity to be a mother. I love my children and find such joy in teaching them and seeing them grow.

I know that Heavenly Father knows each and every one of us inside and out. He loves us more than we can ever know. He gives us trials to refine and make us even better. I was joking with Trevor that with as many trials as we have gone through since Law School, He must have something really great in store for us. Maybe Trevor will be the Prophet some day! LOL!

I'm joking! I'm joking!

Life's a Happy Song...

when there's someone by your side to sing along!

Which should technically be Trevor, but he's not a fan of the rain. So mini and me went out to get wet and dance a little. Trevor stayed inside and paparazzi'd us. Don't laugh. You know you'd do it too if you had the opportunity.

Two Peas in a Pod

I love my boys. They like working on stuff together. And Saturday morning when Logan decided to wear a special shirt and didn't mind if we called him "Trevor", my heart just about melted out of my body. He sure loves his dad.